I Am A Shadow

It’s dark in here; it’s dark living in a shadow.

Expectations pour down on me like acid rain,
eating away at my flesh and my brain.
In my chest flows a torrential flood, my eyes are the dams.

It’s lonely in here; it’s lonely living in a shadow.

They took a ruler to measure my worth,
bought a calculator to count my achievements
and decided that I deserved only a shadow.

It’s scary in here; it’s scary living in a shadow.

Fear towers over me. He strikes me on the head,
laughing because Hope has abandoned me.
Now for all eternity I’ll be sitting on the steps of this
quiet Hell, until I fade away,

and become one with the shadow. 

 

An apology without the apology

A pretty strange concept, but one I’ve seen some truth in. 

Maybe it’s that you’re too scared to face that person again, too guilty to move your legs to where he/she is, or too uncertain of how things will change (if they even do) if you move your lips and utter that single word.

Is it wrong?

I’m not sure. But I know that I’ve apologised and made the same mistake countless times, and I’m not sure if apologising this time will change anything for the better. 

So this time, I’m keeping silent. I’m not going to do anything. Nothing at all.

Maybe this way, I won’t cause any more hurt, or do more harm than I already have.

Maybe this way, the tightness I feel in my chest will be my chain, binding me in place, and keeping me from repeating that mistake again.

Maybe this way, it will finally be a true apology. An apology without words, that is.

An apology, without the apology.

The only thing is, the moment I put the brakes on and build a wall around me, there won’t be a door for him any longer.

Perhaps then, I’d have to apologise for that too. 

A silent one, that is. 

Hide-and-seek

It’s a game of hide-and-seek, except, no one’s seeking.

I hide the sin of the world in my smile.
No one searches beneath the folds of a  muddied, rotting mask, a mask torn from the face of a once young, innocent child.

I hide the despair of the world within my chest.
No one notices the white, silk threads of webs strung over my heart, twirling, tangling, and squeezing so tightly it’s hard for it to beat.

A fruit in a serpent’s slimy grasp poisons my mind.
Resist, resist, resist.
It’s all I can do to not feel too guilty the next time I fail to find an antidote.

It’s a game of hide-and-seek, only, I hope no one’s seeking.

The Circle Of Life

Raindrops fall to the ground
and shatter into a million pieces.

One burrows through holes in the mud,
wondering if one would lead to a Wonderland.

Another crawls across concrete roads,
only to fall into a crack it cannot escape from.

Yet another gets trampled afoot,
lost in the crowds of a metropolis.

Then the Sun rises, and they too, rise
up to the clouds,
reuniting with old kin and new family.

Then come the black ones.

Then they fall to the ground.

Then they shatter into a million pieces.

Then it repeats, the circle of life.

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Feeling a little melancholic after looking back at how my friends and I used to be, and how everyone seems to have changed after two years.

Perhaps change truly is the only constant.