I Am A Shadow

It’s dark in here; it’s dark living in a shadow.

Expectations pour down on me like acid rain,
eating away at my flesh and my brain.
In my chest flows a torrential flood, my eyes are the dams.

It’s lonely in here; it’s lonely living in a shadow.

They took a ruler to measure my worth,
bought a calculator to count my achievements
and decided that I deserved only a shadow.

It’s scary in here; it’s scary living in a shadow.

Fear towers over me. He strikes me on the head,
laughing because Hope has abandoned me.
Now for all eternity I’ll be sitting on the steps of this
quiet Hell, until I fade away,

and become one with the shadow. 

 

The Final Apology

Her seventy-seventh apology rings like
a death-knell in my mind.

I reach out my palm to show her my heart.
It has seventy-seven stitches on it, still
torn and bleeding.

But I see the green monster of guilt
gnawing at her insides till there
is nothing left in her once
blue orbs that held the sky in them.

Then she flees, away from my open arms
and into the clutches of the shadows in
the night.

That night, the darkness swallowed her up
and I had to get a new heart.

 

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After so long of not having any inspiration for a poem, I was inspired by Jesus to write this. Written for a “Betrayed/Lost friendship” prompt on a contest at allpoetry.com. This is a reflection of an alternate ending of our friendship that could have very possibly become a reality if I hadn’t chosen to reject the guilt that had been haunting me for 5 long years because of sin. This was written from his perspective and the pain he felt for me was very real. I don’t think I can ever thank him enough for his forgiveness and his grace that saved me from the abyss that I nearly fell into for good, even though I had betrayed him way more than seventy-seven times hehe.

Conclusion? Jesus is the best friend I can ever have, and I’m immensely grateful for that.

Hide-and-seek

It’s a game of hide-and-seek, except, no one’s seeking.

I hide the sin of the world in my smile.
No one searches beneath the folds of a  muddied, rotting mask, a mask torn from the face of a once young, innocent child.

I hide the despair of the world within my chest.
No one notices the white, silk threads of webs strung over my heart, twirling, tangling, and squeezing so tightly it’s hard for it to beat.

A fruit in a serpent’s slimy grasp poisons my mind.
Resist, resist, resist.
It’s all I can do to not feel too guilty the next time I fail to find an antidote.

It’s a game of hide-and-seek, only, I hope no one’s seeking.